I am beginning to realize how weak I am. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. I was hungry last night (@ 1AM) and I didn't want to eat (because I don't want to get any fatter) so instead I had a beer. I reassured myself that it was okay because it was light beer. But one beer was not enough to fill in the void of hunger so I had another. The beer made me cold (because the beer cold) and I wanted something warm to drink. So I went down and made myself 계란국 and started eating it and realized I need something harder to chew so I started to have some CHEEZITS. They were the good kind. Whole grain with 5g of fiber per serving! This also reassured myself. So as I started to empty the whole box of cheezits I felt like having soju.. but I have no soju so I had vodka. I told myself to drink in moderation. I only had 4 shots (give self pat in the back****). I woke up at 7:30... so late for work... I feel horrible.
The moral to this is... your heart and mind can be changed easily... just from being hungry.
This has got to be my last crappy and depressing post.... The next time I post... I will say something good that has happened in my life.
I gotta pee...
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
i thought it was friday... :(
I ended almost all my emails with a "Thank you and have a wonderful weekend!" like an idiot..... ugh... why did I think today was Friday????
Manager is out on a business trip. It was awesome this morning. I open my outlook and there were only 5 emails and only 2 of them were for me. The best feeling!!!
Anyway, my life is the same as before. I am either at work or at home and I still have not started to workout. My sister has a job now so hopefully it will be easier on me. I have $38.53 right now in the bank. I hope I get a bigger paycheck this time for all the overtime I did.... the mortgage payment is coming up and it is getting me worried... Who knew my life would end up like this. So unexpected and at the same time I'm not overly surprised or depressed. Maybe being slightly depressed consistently makes me accept hardships better... who knows...
Sigh... most kids move back in with their parents home to save money... I live with my family to spend more... smh.... SMH
Well enough whining about how crappy my life feels right now... time for some positive news. I am going to the Riverdale group to "help out." I but the quotation marks because the only way I am helping is by filling in their attendance. They will have a better shot at being an actual congregation! I really hope it does become one. I really hope that in a few months I get promoted and I can use that as leverage to get a better job. And maybe my sis and I can pay off the mortgage early so I can finally move out!!! (probably won't happen)
Funny how my "positive news" ends with a negative tone...
Even last time when I ate gogi with friends... the meat I cooked was all rough and hard to eat... they were saying that its because I am depressed and it makes me cook the meat in a way that makes it taste bad (thanks shin). SIGH
Well... lets end this with a fun joke...
Q: How do you say 누릉지 in English?
A: Bobby Brown...................................... think about it
Bye
Manager is out on a business trip. It was awesome this morning. I open my outlook and there were only 5 emails and only 2 of them were for me. The best feeling!!!
Anyway, my life is the same as before. I am either at work or at home and I still have not started to workout. My sister has a job now so hopefully it will be easier on me. I have $38.53 right now in the bank. I hope I get a bigger paycheck this time for all the overtime I did.... the mortgage payment is coming up and it is getting me worried... Who knew my life would end up like this. So unexpected and at the same time I'm not overly surprised or depressed. Maybe being slightly depressed consistently makes me accept hardships better... who knows...
Sigh... most kids move back in with their parents home to save money... I live with my family to spend more... smh.... SMH
Well enough whining about how crappy my life feels right now... time for some positive news. I am going to the Riverdale group to "help out." I but the quotation marks because the only way I am helping is by filling in their attendance. They will have a better shot at being an actual congregation! I really hope it does become one. I really hope that in a few months I get promoted and I can use that as leverage to get a better job. And maybe my sis and I can pay off the mortgage early so I can finally move out!!! (probably won't happen)
Funny how my "positive news" ends with a negative tone...
Even last time when I ate gogi with friends... the meat I cooked was all rough and hard to eat... they were saying that its because I am depressed and it makes me cook the meat in a way that makes it taste bad (thanks shin). SIGH
Well... lets end this with a fun joke...
Q: How do you say 누릉지 in English?
A: Bobby Brown...................................... think about it
Bye
Thursday, October 4, 2012
calm before the storm
I gave myself goosebumps/goosepimples while writing the title. So lame.
I am just writing and fooling around before it gets super busy. The week was pretty slow because of Asian thanksgiving. No emails or shipments from China or Korea. I just had to deal with some Indonesian shipments. They are the most unorganized people on the planet (yea.. its racist.. idc). They have a 6 day work week in Indonesia but some how they manage to be so unorganized. I guess the more days you work the more inefficient you become. Look at the French.. the majority over there work 3-4 days and they still get the same amount of work done as Americans or maybe more... I want to work 3-4 days... I wish I could work 3 days at work and 2 days at home. Even that would be great... ahh.. wishful thinking
I am so fat. I think my fat is finally spreading out to my arms and legs. I usually never get THAT fat. The fat on my thighs is suffocating my balls. I need to seriously need to get fit before I end up getting a tangled testicle.
I love following the health gurus on instagram. They make me daydream about being healthy! Oh, and I loooooove following Dwayne Johnson (the rock). He seems to eat what he wants but is super ripped. I wish my job was to workout and be good looking...........
Anyway.. I think its gonna get busy any minute now.... I should end it here.
I am just writing and fooling around before it gets super busy. The week was pretty slow because of Asian thanksgiving. No emails or shipments from China or Korea. I just had to deal with some Indonesian shipments. They are the most unorganized people on the planet (yea.. its racist.. idc). They have a 6 day work week in Indonesia but some how they manage to be so unorganized. I guess the more days you work the more inefficient you become. Look at the French.. the majority over there work 3-4 days and they still get the same amount of work done as Americans or maybe more... I want to work 3-4 days... I wish I could work 3 days at work and 2 days at home. Even that would be great... ahh.. wishful thinking
I am so fat. I think my fat is finally spreading out to my arms and legs. I usually never get THAT fat. The fat on my thighs is suffocating my balls. I need to seriously need to get fit before I end up getting a tangled testicle.
I love following the health gurus on instagram. They make me daydream about being healthy! Oh, and I loooooove following Dwayne Johnson (the rock). He seems to eat what he wants but is super ripped. I wish my job was to workout and be good looking...........
Anyway.. I think its gonna get busy any minute now.... I should end it here.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
@work and waiting
Thought I can post something while I wait for the IT guys to fix the problem with our work system thingy.
I have been so busy recently and I missed 2 weeks of Alpharetta jiphae.. but coming back to Alpharetta after visiting other halls made me realize.. our hall is so lazy (me included). There are so many elders and pioneers but no one seems to want to participate... Anyway.. what a boring topic to talk about...
I just had some pho by myself for lunch today. I was hoping Mike Lim would ask me out on a lunch date one of these days.. but seeing how he eats frozen meals made me realize how broke he is. I guess I am pretty broke too.. I should just have protein shakes as a meal replacement. I need to workout badly. I weigh 170lbs now with less muscle than before. I think I am at my weakest point... I lost so much muscle on my legs and arms.. and m
y boobs and stomach are too fat to tell if there is any muscle underneath... I really need to workout.
I wish there was a JW team that I can join. Soccer, football, basketball, tennis, ping pong... idc... I just wish there was some organized thing that I can join so I can push myself to workout and get fit for that particular sport. When I was in HS, I used to think that I would be super ripped by the time I was 21. I'm 25 and still so fat. And going on business trips really ruins your dieting/workouts. I hope I don't go anywhere anymore for at least 3 months. I need to be settled down to workout properly.
In conclusion, I hope things will get better so I can put up a more positive and organized post.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
33%
I am finally posting something other than a survey!
I am so tired of this routine where I wake up tired, drive through traffic for an hour all tired, then start work tired, then feel alert at around 2-3pm then feel tired again, then feel tired on the drive back home from work (which is another hour). Once I am home, Yoona greets me for second then runs outside to do her business. I always pray it isn't a big one because I am never in the mood to clean up after her. Then I get to lay in my futon for 30 minutes before my mom begins to tell me the list of things that need to be done in the house. I try to act sick or hurt so she would feel bad for me but, I think everyone in my house just feels bad for themselves (me included). My mom is a widow, my sis is an orphan and I am the insensitive son/brother who cannot find the energy to do anything for his family.
I have so much to talk about! Its mostly about how annoyed I am but, I guess I should hold back on that. I am sure none of the readers want to read that....
I don't understand how adults manage to find time to do what they do. Working 5 days just drains me from doing anything productive outside of work. Once I get home, there is so much yardwork to be done. Yardwork that never ends. And there is 집회준비 stuff, 가족숭배준비 할껏, and personal study. I don't even have a show that I watch regularly now and I still don't seem to have time for anything. When elders talk about how drama watching consumes too much time, I scoff. That is a thing of the past for me. I really look at my schedule and I do not know where my time is going off to. I don't watch shows or dramas, I don't workout, I don't read books, I don't have any particular hobbies, I don't do... anything....
Living with two women is not easy. I understand that women are known to be the "weaker vessel" but, that just means men are "weak vessels" and not "strong vessels." Men are weak too. I wish all women would understand that. Do they really think we block out all thoughts and that we do not have problems to deal with? Being the man of the house is not easy and I am always hoping that it will get better. I do not see how things could get worse. I was so encouraged by reading the Bible about Joshua a few weeks back but, that encouragement seems to be fading already. I guess that is why a meaningful daily Bible reading is essential.
I have been calculating where my time is being spent because I never seem to find time to complete all the tasks that are given to me. If I split the big chunks it comes down to this:
So if I break down the "other" category of my time it comes down to this:
When looking at my time like this, it seems like I have a lot but I do not get why I cannot get all my tasks done. The 10 hours of "Others" falls is doing chores for my mom, cleaning my room, drinking alone, and/or having to do the hall accounting work once a week. I guess the biggest chunk of my time that I need to fix is time spent with friends. A lot of my time is spent looking at my kakaotalk/story or texts or driving to go play or eat dinner or drink. If I cut that to 12 I think it would make a huge difference. Easier said than done ey? I guess if I just take that leap and spend more time reading the Bible and meditating.. things would get better. If I cannot sacrifice time spent drinking with friends, how would I ever help out a place where the need is greater?
Well, I'm going to talk about this stuff with Eugene next week. He is such a good listener and I love hearing his fun problems with life. He asked me out on a date. He needs to practice somewhere right? I will let him practice on me since I am such a good hyung. I have definitely been talking to Eugene more than I used to. I am trying to get some of his pioneer spirit and get a taste of his illumination from God but, I think he is just depressed. He misses his peers in pio school too much. He won't admit it but I think he cries at night while looking at the pioneer school picture.
Well that was a good hour spent at work. I looked like I was writing an important email.
Sorry for having such a long, cluttered, and "bleh" post. I will try to post a more positive and organized entry next time. Bye!
I am so tired of this routine where I wake up tired, drive through traffic for an hour all tired, then start work tired, then feel alert at around 2-3pm then feel tired again, then feel tired on the drive back home from work (which is another hour). Once I am home, Yoona greets me for second then runs outside to do her business. I always pray it isn't a big one because I am never in the mood to clean up after her. Then I get to lay in my futon for 30 minutes before my mom begins to tell me the list of things that need to be done in the house. I try to act sick or hurt so she would feel bad for me but, I think everyone in my house just feels bad for themselves (me included). My mom is a widow, my sis is an orphan and I am the insensitive son/brother who cannot find the energy to do anything for his family.
I have so much to talk about! Its mostly about how annoyed I am but, I guess I should hold back on that. I am sure none of the readers want to read that....
I don't understand how adults manage to find time to do what they do. Working 5 days just drains me from doing anything productive outside of work. Once I get home, there is so much yardwork to be done. Yardwork that never ends. And there is 집회준비 stuff, 가족숭배준비 할껏, and personal study. I don't even have a show that I watch regularly now and I still don't seem to have time for anything. When elders talk about how drama watching consumes too much time, I scoff. That is a thing of the past for me. I really look at my schedule and I do not know where my time is going off to. I don't watch shows or dramas, I don't workout, I don't read books, I don't have any particular hobbies, I don't do... anything....
Living with two women is not easy. I understand that women are known to be the "weaker vessel" but, that just means men are "weak vessels" and not "strong vessels." Men are weak too. I wish all women would understand that. Do they really think we block out all thoughts and that we do not have problems to deal with? Being the man of the house is not easy and I am always hoping that it will get better. I do not see how things could get worse. I was so encouraged by reading the Bible about Joshua a few weeks back but, that encouragement seems to be fading already. I guess that is why a meaningful daily Bible reading is essential.
I have been calculating where my time is being spent because I never seem to find time to complete all the tasks that are given to me. If I split the big chunks it comes down to this:
- Work(and work related things.. such as driving to work): 33% (55 hours)
- Sleep(if I were to sleep 8 hours a day.. which never happens): 33% (55 hours)
- Other(this is the time I need to break down): 33% (55 hours)
So if I break down the "other" category of my time it comes down to this:
- 봉사 (and related things): 14% (8 hours)
- Movie watching: 5% (3 hours)
- Showering/Dumping: 3% (2 hours)
- 가족숭배 and related things): 7% (4 hours)
- 집회 (and related things): 10% (6 hours)
- Hanging out with friends (and related things): 40% (22 hours)
- Others: 18% (10 hours)
When looking at my time like this, it seems like I have a lot but I do not get why I cannot get all my tasks done. The 10 hours of "Others" falls is doing chores for my mom, cleaning my room, drinking alone, and/or having to do the hall accounting work once a week. I guess the biggest chunk of my time that I need to fix is time spent with friends. A lot of my time is spent looking at my kakaotalk/story or texts or driving to go play or eat dinner or drink. If I cut that to 12 I think it would make a huge difference. Easier said than done ey? I guess if I just take that leap and spend more time reading the Bible and meditating.. things would get better. If I cannot sacrifice time spent drinking with friends, how would I ever help out a place where the need is greater?
Well, I'm going to talk about this stuff with Eugene next week. He is such a good listener and I love hearing his fun problems with life. He asked me out on a date. He needs to practice somewhere right? I will let him practice on me since I am such a good hyung. I have definitely been talking to Eugene more than I used to. I am trying to get some of his pioneer spirit and get a taste of his illumination from God but, I think he is just depressed. He misses his peers in pio school too much. He won't admit it but I think he cries at night while looking at the pioneer school picture.
Well that was a good hour spent at work. I looked like I was writing an important email.
Sorry for having such a long, cluttered, and "bleh" post. I will try to post a more positive and organized entry next time. Bye!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Who were you with last night?
--- Bros and sisters.
What woke you up this morning?
--- Phone alarm.
Where are you?
--- Work.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
--- Maybe.
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
--- Yoona.
When's the last time you cried?
--- A few weeks.
The PAST
Ever thrown up in public?
--- No.
Passed out because of alcohol?
--- Yes.
What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
--- I want to eat something.
The FUTURE
Would you take a bullet for anyone?
--- Yes.
Where would you like to live?
--- Where ever the need is greater.
What kind of house would you like?
--- A small house at a good location.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
--- A pioneer.
Where do you see yourself in years?
--- Paradise.
Who was the last person that left you a message?
--- My sister.
Are you good friends with this person?
--- Yes.
How often do you log in to facebook?
--- Never.
IN GENERAL
Do you like candy necklaces?:
--- Yes.
When's the last time you fell or ran into something?
--- A few weeks ago, while I was running up the stairs. Stubbed my toe in the process
Do you still go trick or treating?
--- No.
What was the last thing you ate?
--- Froyo... last night.
Are you a fast typer?
--- Decent.
About how many people have you driven with?
--- 11 in an astrovan for kyukji bongsa.
What are you doing this weekend?
--- Engine oil change, yard work, and bongsa.
Whats your favorite type of soda?
--- Root beer.
Have you ever moved?
--- Yes.
Have you ever won an award?
--- Yes.
How many times have you eaten sushi?
--- Many times.
What do you want to do right now?
--- Eat something in bed while watching something funny on the computer.
Are you listening to music right now?
--- No.
Are you with someone right now?
--- I guess with 2 of my coworkers?... but I am in my own office... so.. idk
Whats a word or phrase that you love?
--- "야! 이것들아!"
How long until your birthday?
--- 9 months.
When were you the saddest in your whole life?
--- I guess when I was in Korea.
What time is it now?
--- 9:10AM.
Do you think anyone will repost to this?
--- No
What makes you pissed off?
--- So many things: anything annoying, when someone repeats what I say as if they never heard me say it, when people lie, when someone talks bad about my family, when someone treats my family badly, when Yoona pees after coming inside the house, there are so much more.. but its getting boring and I want to end this..
Have you ever had a song written about you?
--- I made a song for myself once.. more like a poem..
What song makes you cry?
--- A lot of KCM songs... I think it is the pitch he sings at more than the words of the songs.
What songs makes you happy?
--- Party rock, 좋은날, 너랑나, Boo, Jumpin Jumpin, Marshmallow, 챔피언... I can't think of anymore...
What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
--- IU
Do you have a job??
--- Yes.
What does Your CD player have in it right now?
--- I think a John Mayer CD...
If you were a crayon what color would you be?
--- Purple.
What makes you happy?
--- Completing tasks and overcoming difficulties.
Height?
--- 5'7 1/2.
Hair?
--- Black.
Piercings?
--- Nope.
Tattoos?
--- Nope.
What are you wearing?
--- Jeans and a plaid button down.
What taste is in your mouth?
--- An acidic hungry taste.
Do you have a bad habit?
--- I like to pick my nose a lot.
--- Bros and sisters.
What woke you up this morning?
--- Phone alarm.
Where are you?
--- Work.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
--- Maybe.
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
--- Yoona.
When's the last time you cried?
--- A few weeks.
The PAST
Ever thrown up in public?
--- No.
Passed out because of alcohol?
--- Yes.
What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
--- I want to eat something.
The FUTURE
Would you take a bullet for anyone?
--- Yes.
Where would you like to live?
--- Where ever the need is greater.
What kind of house would you like?
--- A small house at a good location.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
--- A pioneer.
Where do you see yourself in years?
--- Paradise.
Who was the last person that left you a message?
--- My sister.
Are you good friends with this person?
--- Yes.
How often do you log in to facebook?
--- Never.
IN GENERAL
Do you like candy necklaces?:
--- Yes.
When's the last time you fell or ran into something?
--- A few weeks ago, while I was running up the stairs. Stubbed my toe in the process
Do you still go trick or treating?
--- No.
What was the last thing you ate?
--- Froyo... last night.
Are you a fast typer?
--- Decent.
About how many people have you driven with?
--- 11 in an astrovan for kyukji bongsa.
What are you doing this weekend?
--- Engine oil change, yard work, and bongsa.
Whats your favorite type of soda?
--- Root beer.
Have you ever moved?
--- Yes.
Have you ever won an award?
--- Yes.
How many times have you eaten sushi?
--- Many times.
What do you want to do right now?
--- Eat something in bed while watching something funny on the computer.
Are you listening to music right now?
--- No.
Are you with someone right now?
--- I guess with 2 of my coworkers?... but I am in my own office... so.. idk
Whats a word or phrase that you love?
--- "야! 이것들아!"
How long until your birthday?
--- 9 months.
When were you the saddest in your whole life?
--- I guess when I was in Korea.
What time is it now?
--- 9:10AM.
Do you think anyone will repost to this?
--- No
What makes you pissed off?
--- So many things: anything annoying, when someone repeats what I say as if they never heard me say it, when people lie, when someone talks bad about my family, when someone treats my family badly, when Yoona pees after coming inside the house, there are so much more.. but its getting boring and I want to end this..
Have you ever had a song written about you?
--- I made a song for myself once.. more like a poem..
What song makes you cry?
--- A lot of KCM songs... I think it is the pitch he sings at more than the words of the songs.
What songs makes you happy?
--- Party rock, 좋은날, 너랑나, Boo, Jumpin Jumpin, Marshmallow, 챔피언... I can't think of anymore...
What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
--- IU
Do you have a job??
--- Yes.
What does Your CD player have in it right now?
--- I think a John Mayer CD...
If you were a crayon what color would you be?
--- Purple.
What makes you happy?
--- Completing tasks and overcoming difficulties.
Height?
--- 5'7 1/2.
Hair?
--- Black.
Piercings?
--- Nope.
Tattoos?
--- Nope.
What are you wearing?
--- Jeans and a plaid button down.
What taste is in your mouth?
--- An acidic hungry taste.
Do you have a bad habit?
--- I like to pick my nose a lot.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Yes! Manager is in a meeting! I'm so excited to do this survey!!! Yay!
What is your dream job? Not to have one.
How many kids do you want to have? 0-2-4
What is the last song you were listening to? Heartbreak warfare.. I think...
What is your favorite soda? Root beer
What is the way you would like to be engaged to? With a ring
Do you like myspace or facebook better? fb
Are you in love? No.
If you were to have a baby boy right now, what would you name him? Kosmo
What kind of car do you drive? '05 Civic
What color is your room? beige-ish/light, pale yellow
Do you have a job? If so, where? Yes. Buckhead.
Do you think people should wait until they are in love to have sex? Yes. First comes love~ then comes marraige~ then comes the baby in the baby carriage!
What was the last thing you ate? Wendy's
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Boyfriend.
If you were to have a baby boy right now, what would you name him? Kosmo
What kind of car do you drive? '05 Civic
What color is your room? beige-ish/light, pale yellow
Do you have a job? If so, where? Yes. Buckhead.
Do you think people should wait until they are in love to have sex? Yes. First comes love~ then comes marraige~ then comes the baby in the baby carriage!
What was the last thing you ate? Wendy's
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Boyfriend.
What color is your underwear? ugh... I just had to wear the ugliest underwear I own... faded gray
What is your favorite smell on a boy or a girl? Any smell that is girly and light. I hate it when they put on lotion in an enclosed car... no matter how good it smells... its too much
Have you ever been to superdawg? Where is that?
Usted sabe lo que significa esto? Yo no se que tu preguntalemehoweverthiswordends..
Have you ever gone fishing, and actually caught a fish? Yes.
How big is your closet? As big as my old room (I made my old room into a closet).
Team Jacob or Team Edward? OMG! This is so hard...... idk how else to answer this... Physically I am Team Jacob.. but my heart goes to Team Edward! \^0^/
How old will you be on your next birthday? 26 (my fav #)
If you had a baby girl right now, what would you name her? Kathy? Mindy? Minzy?
Have you ever gone fishing, and actually caught a fish? Yes.
How big is your closet? As big as my old room (I made my old room into a closet).
Team Jacob or Team Edward? OMG! This is so hard...... idk how else to answer this... Physically I am Team Jacob.. but my heart goes to Team Edward! \^0^/
How old will you be on your next birthday? 26 (my fav #)
If you had a baby girl right now, what would you name her? Kathy? Mindy? Minzy?
Do you want to have a small wedding or a big wedding? Small
Do you have to take any daily meds? No.
Do you know how to tie a tie? Yes.
Do you have any pets? Yes.
Do you have one stuffed animal that you can't sleep without? Used to... My stuffed polar bear from a community bank.
Do you play any sports? If so, which one(s)? Yea I play sports occasionally... soccer, basketball, ping pong.. not good at them though.. actually.. I am decent at ping pong
What is your favorite color? Purple
I am always so dissapointed at the end of my surveys......
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